


she's not a saint (and she's not what you think)

by cowboyboy, incxndias



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Assassins & Hitmen, Denial of Feelings, Eventual Romance, F/F, Fluff, Romance, Useless Lesbians, no ghosts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:28:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28229145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowboyboy/pseuds/cowboyboy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/incxndias/pseuds/incxndias
Summary: Jamie Taylor offers a simple service- if you pay her, she will kill someone. She is offered her first profile case by a man named Edmund O' Mara, who wants her to kill his ex-fiance, Dani Clayton. The issue is she is an internationally known figure, as she owns a leading editing and publishing company. Jamie finds herself working undercover for the infamous Dani Clayton, and tries to keep it professional, but she's not sure if she wants to.
Relationships: Dani Clayton & Jamie, Hannah Grose & Owen Sharma
Comments: 19
Kudos: 61





	1. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is a collaboration, and will alter from Jamie's to Dani's point of view each chapter. cowboyboy writes for Jamie, and incxndias writes for Dani.

Jamie Taylor was nobody special, especially in the big city of London. She kept to herself, and blended into the hordes of people that bustled throughout the city blocks. Nobody noticed her because they didn’t have a reason to, which is why Jamie was especially good at her job. 

Even when she was young, Jamie knew money was money, no matter how it was obtained. Rotating through foster homes forced her to grow tough skin, and roaming the streets at the age of fourteen taught her how to steal and survive, but barely surviving no longer cut it now that she was an adult. When she was seventeen, Jamie began having buddies pay her for roughing up someone who had wronged them, the price equating to the severity of the beatdown. Calloused and bruised knuckles ignored, she decided that she couldn’t ever go back to pickpocketing when this paid _so_ much better. 

At age nineteen was the first time she had ever killed someone. She didn’t think she could ever do it again. Seeing the light leave someone’s eyes as they dropped to their knees before falling over with a _thud_ sent a wave of adrenaline through her body that quickly nauseated her, and she spilled her dinner from an hour ago all over the alley pavement. She had to remind herself that she had killed a pedophile, and that nobody worth killing was worth losing her lunch over.

But she was able to do it again. The more times she did it, the easier it got, and the easier it got, the better she became. Her rule was that she would _never_ agree to kill someone unless what they did was objectively wrong. She refused petty rivalries, business deals gone bad, and infidelities, and instead focused on murderers, abusers, and pedophiles, the true scum of the earth. Within a few years she was known as _the_ person to go to if you needed “business” handled, despite her short stature and gender. Nobody crossed her because she gave them no reason to, which is why she was especially good at her job. 

* * *

Jamie sighed as she climbed the stairs to her flat, which sat right above her friend Owen’s restaurant, “A Batter Place.” Usually, she would stop in to chat with both him and his fiance Hannah, while slowly working on a basket of fries courtesy of the childrens’ menu, which always ended in a quarrel between her and Owen as to whether she would be allowed to pay for the food. Although this Friday was different, she had work to do. 

She had just accepted her latest “project,” a high profile target that required days, if not weeks of infiltration. An inside job, to be short. A guy named Edmund O’ Mara had initially contacted her, and promised to pay her over five hundred thousand dollars to take care of his ex-fiance, who he claimed had killed their child in cold blood, and got away with it by blaming it on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. His ex-fiance just so happened to be the CEO of an internationally known editing and publishing company, Bly & Co. 

Her name was Danielle Clayton, and Jamie had to begin her research. Edmund had explained that he was one of three chief editors who would be able to hire her and assign her to an entry level position with no questions asked, someone who would run files back and forth, among other things. He told her that there was no way for her to get close to Danielle without working for her, but Jamie didn’t mind. For that amount of money, Jamie would gladly start her _own_ publishing company. She started on Monday. 

That weekend, she spent her entire day at the library to find all that she could on the infamous Danielle Clayton. The best she could find is her latest publishings, her most successful series, and that her three chief editors were recently up for promotion, and it was yet to be announced who it would be. Jamie sighed in frustration, as newspaper records only told her so much. She was practically still at square one. 

She trudged her way back to the pub, upset about returning home empty handed. She wandered to the back booth, which she practically considered her second home at this point. The plaque that Owen installed on the side of the table said so as well. Owen and Hannah slid into the booth next to her, with her usual order of fries and an ale to go with it. 

“What’s got you down?” Hannah asked, sliding the bottle over to her, which Jamie quickly brought to her lips. 

“Work. I just got a big case, which is gonna take probably a month or more.” 

“What happened to not working weekends?” Owen chuckled, stealing some fries from the basket in front of Jamie.

“Like I said, it’s a big project for a...private investigator like me.” Every time she heard herself lie to Owen and Hannah, she chastised herself more and more. Lying through her teeth never felt good, but it’s not like she would make many friends if people knew what she really did for a living. She felt guilty about not telling the two people closest to her, but it was too late to change her story now.

Jamie sighed and leaned backwards, running her hand through her curls, pushing them out of her face. Talking to her friends, she already found herself more at ease. It was a quiet night, the heavy rain discouraging potential customers from leaving their houses, opting to just order delivery for the evening. Only people who had made reservations days ago had shown up, and everyone was enjoying the silence save for the light jazz in the background, as opposed to the constant clamor of diners. 

It surprised the three of them when the door opened, and a young woman with two small children walked through through the door, the woman ushered the kids in while she shook her umbrella outside, before following them inside. The three friends all turned around as they stood there, patiently awaiting seating. Hannah jumped up, quickly walking over to take care of the party.

Jamie couldn’t help but stare at the woman. She had blonde hair that fell to her shoulders, cheeks and nose that were tinted a light pink from the chill of the rain, and she sported pastel colors on her sweater, and a pair of light-washed jeans, which Jamie noticed fit her _very_ well. She was dressed so casually, but she somehow made it seem classy. She slipped into a booth that was barely in Jamie’s view. The two children that sat across from her looked nothing like her, a boy that seemed about ten or eleven, and a much smaller girl that looked eight at the most. She drew her attention back to her own table to see Owen turned around, looking at the newest customer as well.

“Oi,” Jamie called his attention and then nodded to the blonde. Hannah had just returned the table. “Do you think she’s pretty, Owen?” She quipped, leaning back into the soft booth wall. Hannah sighed in response to Jamie’s usual antics, and Owen sputtered, which earned a quick glare from Hannah.

“I mean she’s a regular, she comes in here often. Sometimes with those kids. I’ve talked to her myself a few times.” 

“Yeah? What’s her story?” Jamie mused, feigning disinterest. 

“Oh, I don’t know much. She’s pretty stacked in terms of money, she always leaves an insane tip. Those kids aren’t hers, but I can’t remember how she knows them.”

“Interesting, interesting.” Jamie watched them throughout the night and she was slightly impressed by how well the children behaved. The woman talked to the kids as though they were equals, joking with them, her laugh unapologetically filling the restaurant. It felt nicer than the quiet. 

The night carried on quickly, and before Jamie knew it, the blonde and the children were gone as quick as they had come. She found herself to be slightly curious, and unsure as to why. She was too tired to care though, the stress of not getting a head start on her job was to blame. She trudged up to her flat, glaring at the Ikea box in the corner of the living room that contained a couch that yet to be built. She’d always look at it and tell herself ‘I’ll build it tomorrow,’ and tomorrow always became the next day. She fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, and she intended on getting all of the sleep she could get. 

She reported to Bly & Co. at eight o' clock on Monday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're excited to show you guys what we have planned for Dani and Jamie in this story, let us know what you thought :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s chapter two, hope y’all enjoy! Right now it’s just a bit of introductions but promise we’ll get to some of action soon!

Danielle Clayton woke to the sound of her phone alarm blaring “Raise Your Glass” by P!nk with a groan. She rolled over and huffed as she smacked the radio to turn it off and not-so-gracefully got out of bed. The wooden floor felt cool against her bare feet as she stretched her arms up and yawned before making her way across the condo to make her usual morning toast with sliced banana pieces on top. The cabinet above her creaked as she opened it and stood on her tiptoes to grab a mug on the top shelf, but even being stretched as far as she could go, only her fingertips touched the ceramic handle of her favorite yellow mug. 

Luckily the condo was only temporary, though she kicked herself for not asking Eddie to move the mugs to the lower shelf when he had helped her move her things. She supposed it was karma, payback even. The world’s way of telling her that shit will hit the fan soon. Especially when she announced her decision at work today. 

The big promotion. Something all of the chief editors had been vying for. Really, it just meant they had been suck ups for the past month, conforming to Dani’s every request and running any errands she had asked, even the most ridiculous of them. 

She had fun, of course, who wouldn’t? But, it would be over when she announced who won. Questions would be asked, ‘it should have been me’s’ thrown around, and she would try to answer every one of them without showing emotion. 

In all honesty, she felt bad when having to choose. Her normal everyday self was nowhere near the façade she threw on at work. Riddled with anxiety, saying sorry for things she didn’t need to apologize for, the list goes on and on. Indecisiveness was one of her biggest downfalls when it came down to it, which is why she left herself a month to decide who she thought was best fit for the promotion. 

She came to realize that Dani Clayton and Danielle Clayton were two very different people early on in her career. Danielle Clayton was quick with words, never stuttering or hesitating, decisions were made as soon as they could be, hair always fell into place perfectly, always dressed to impress, zero fucks were given, and no shit was taken. Dani Clayton, however, felt like she could burst at the seams at any given moment, always walking too quickly or keeping her head down while in the grocery store in case she fumbled an apple or avocado, dressed comfortably with sweatpants and an oversized tee or hoodie, hair always pulled back into a ponytail or up in a messy bun. 

It honestly astonished her that people recognized her out in public, though they were often too afraid to approach her and say anything. On the off-chance someone decided to approach her, it was usually just an attempt to pitch a badly written book. Most times, though, kids and teens would come up to her and bounce on their heels excitedly as they spewed questions about the characters from the children’s and young adult books she had written herself. 

She didn’t hate it, per se. It saved her the trouble of wasting more energy on social interactions, though she felt a twang in her heart every time she was reminded that people didn’t think of Danielle Clayton as approachable. Maybe her employees and coworkers did on occasion, but to everyone else she was a powerhouse that didn’t give any slack and reprimanded those that did. 

The number of times she had stretched a deadline for someone shall remain unsaid, because as far as anyone knew, it was zero. 

Dani had given up on the mug and opted for a glass of water instead, the glasses being easier to reach and water probably being the better option for how dry her throat felt. She reminded herself to stop by the hardware store after work before she went to the Manor to grab a step ladder so she could rearrange some things, including the mugs. 

As she brought the glass of water to her lips she glanced at the clock that sat above the mantle she had placed a few framed pictures on. Relief washed over her as she found she still had two hours to get ready for the day and prepare herself for the absolute clusterfuck that day would most likely turn out to be. 

After making and finishing her toast with banana slices and gulping down the rest of her water, Dani made her way into her bedroom to start slipping into character. She opened the door to her closet and walked inside, looking carefully at each dress and every pantsuit or pair of slacks she owned to try and see which would best fit her that day. She wanted the slacks, truly would kill to wear her favorite pair and a nice enough blouse, but it wasn’t the day to be relaxed. 

She had to be demanding and straightforward, no bullshit. 

Her eyes roamed over the pieces of clothing before settling on a black pin-striped pantsuit. She grabbed the hanger and nodded to herself, affirming her decision before exiting the closet to get changed. She had decided to wait until she put on her heels, savoring the moments of freedom before her feet felt like they would fall off if she stood for even twenty minutes. Really, she should have been used to it after years of photo shoots and red carpets – she dabbled in screenplays and published celebrities’ autobiographies every now and then – and basically running her own publishing empire, but nothing beat the comfort of nice tennis shoes or house slippers. 

Teeth were soon brushed and hair was made to be perfect. Light makeup had become her friend, sometimes none at all. She hated how her face felt caked with too much foundation and concealer, the eyeshadow and mascara she would forget she’d had on when she absentmindedly rubbed at her eye because it itched. 

Mascara and a dark pink lipstick would suffice. 

She sighed and put the lipstick into her purse in case she had needed to reapply at any point during the day and prayed that she looked proper enough – stunning enough – to capture the attention of employees for as long as she needed it. 

Another hour passed of Dani just scrolling through her phone, checking what people had deemed ‘Book Twitter’. As much as she hated to admit it, she had turned to book Twitter whenever she needed recommendations or wanted to read up on an author she was thinking about signing. She had found the reviews of her books a while back, many people had loved them and others had a strong dislike for them, but the comments she had paid the most attention to were the ones that thanked her for writing a young lesbian character just figuring herself out. 

When she had first written the character she’d had no idea why or what possessed her to do it, and she certainly hadn’t expected a whole community to come together and thank her for it. Looking back, she supposed she had just written a character she wished she could’ve read about when she was younger. A character that would have shown her that she wasn’t wrong for getting butterflies in her stomach when her best friend Kate would hug her throughout middle school, that would have shown her that not feeling anything when Eddie kissed her was normal. That she wasn’t alone in feeling that way. 

But she couldn’t. Everyone at work thought that she and Eddie were only taking a break, that she got cold feet after she had said yes to the engagement, after… 

Dani shook the thoughts from her mind, silently cursing herself for bringing it up early in the morning when she wasn’t able to have a glass of wine or scotch to drown out the thoughts. Keeping herself busy usually did the trick though, and as much as she hated being one of those people, she called for her driver. 

Five years in London and she still hadn’t gotten her driver’s license. 

She would eventually, but really she did prefer to walk everywhere, when she wasn’t wearing three inch heels. 

Ten minutes later and two of the said three inch heels strapped to her feet, Dani was getting in the car and steeling herself for what would come in the next few hours. 

“Good morning, Miss Clayton,” Mr. Beasley, a rather chipper man in his late sixties, smiled toward her in the rearview mirror. 

“Morning, Mr. Beasley,” Dani smiled back, though she knew he’d be able to tell it was half-assed. “How many times have I told you to call me Dani?” 

“And how many times have I asked you to call me Howard?” He raised an eyebrow and Dani knew she would lose as she had many times before. 

“Well,  _ Howard _ ,” she emphasized his name dramatically, made both of them laugh a bit, “I’ll have you know that I’m just showing a bit of Midwest hospitality,” she tipped a fake hat in his direction. 

“Well,  _ Dani _ ,” two could play at that game, “you haven’t been back to Iowa in five years save for holidays.” 

“Ah, but you have yet to meet Karen Clayton. Forget your manners one time,” Dani shook her head and looked down with a rueful smile. 

“Sounds like my mum,” Howard said with a knowing nod. 

“How are Gertie and the kids? Seems like it’s been forever since I last saw them.” 

“Gertie’s doing fine, her back isn’t what it used to be, I’m afraid, but that doesn’t stop her from getting into trouble. Always up and about, that one,” he grinned a bit as if remembering his wife’s antics. 

“She does like to do things for herself, doesn’t she?” 

“Aye, she’s always been independent. Competitive, too. But, the kids are doing great. Maggie is doing her A-levels and Drew is swimming through his tenth year.” 

“I never have quite understood the UK’s education system,” the blonde raised both of her eyebrows. 

“I’ll explain it to ya some other time. We have arrived at your destination, Miss Clayton. Bly and Company, in the flesh.” He stuck his arm out in a gesture with a smile. 

“Thank you, Mr. Beasley. I’m going to the hardware store later and then to the Wingrave’s, I’m fine walking if you’d like the rest of the day off,” Dani rambled as she fumbled around with her purse and her work bag. 

“As lovely as that would be, Miss Clayton, I’ve seen those shoes you’re wearing and there’s no way you’d be able to walk all the way to the hardware store and then to Wingrave’s in them without your bloody feet detaching from ya five minutes in.” 

“Hey!” Dani feigned offense, “Never underestimate a powerful woman in heels. But no, you’re completely right. If I walk for more than twenty minutes in these things my feet will end up bloody and detached,” she let out a small, dry laugh.

“Which is why,” she continued, “I brought back up. Good ol’ sneakers. Or as you like to call them,” Dani contorted her face and stuck out her nose before speaking in the worst British accent, “trainers.”

  
  


“I should start askin’ for a raise, having to put up with that terrible accent of yours! You said five years, right?” 

“It’s better than the first time I tried! Admit it!” She laughed. 

“Fine, fine. It’s getting a wee bit better but I still wouldn’t go around trying to talk to the locals in it.” 

“I can assure you that I would never,” she grinned. 

After she’d gathered all of her things she got out of the car and thanked Mr. Beasley before walking across the wide sidewalk and to the glass doors of her building to unlock it. 

It wasn’t as big as some would think, really only fifteen floors, which was more than enough. Enough to give each chief editor their own floor, but she kept them on the top floor with her. She liked to keep an eye on them, make sure everything was running smoothly. 

It was still early, only 7 AM, and no one really got there until eight so they could socialize before getting ready for the debrief of the day at eight-thirty and getting to work by nine. Dani was glad that she chose those hours, leaving herself more time to prepare for the day ahead. 

She ran a hand through her hair as she stepped into the elevator and tried to keep her breathing in check. She hated elevators, truly. They made her feel clammy and did nothing to help her claustrophobia. Luckily the elevator was fast and the short breaths she had become too acquainted with over the years hadn’t lasted long. 

When she stepped out of the elevator, she inhaled. The office as a whole smelled like freshly printed paper, ink, and some sort of cleaning product that was used to wipe down the computers before the start of every week. It smelled familiar, and that familiarity was just what she needed. Familiarity was what she thrived in. 

She opened one of the tall wooden doors to her office, having opted out of glass doors and walls. She needed her privacy as much as her editors needed theirs. Well, as much as they could get from the dividers at their workspaces and desks, though each one of them had rather large workspaces. More so than ones she had seen at rivaling publishing companies. 

She wanted the best, after all. And she could get the best without being cruel. Sliding away from what was considered the norm in publishing. 

A wry smile played across her lips at that; changing the publishing game one huge desk at a time. 

It’d be a hilarious slogan. Something Dani herself probably would have passed and allowed to be on the side of a bus or an advert in the paper. As an April Fool’s joke, maybe. 

The time passed quickly as she went over a few pages of Henry Wingrave’s autobiography and ran background checks on a few aspiring authors. She had promised Henry she would oversee the editing and revising herself, would do most of it and would only allow her most trusted editors to even look at it. 

It was the least she could do, after how much he had done for her. 

Though he did remind her that she had been the one to screw his head on straight. She had been the one to remind him that Miles and Flora needed their uncle more than anyone else. They needed to be aware that their last living relative loved them. And she was so damn adamant about it, it’s a wonder she had still had a job after she confronted him. 

But then, two weeks later, Henry was giving her a huge check, an insane amount of money for an au pair, and told her to do whatever she wished with it after she had found a place to settle herself. That she was always welcome back at the Manor, and any time she wanted to see Miles and Flora she could take them out or do whatever with them. 

And she had written three children’s books and a series of young adult novels that had been doing almost as well as Harry Potter. 

“A modern J.K. Rowling, without the transphobia,” is what The Times had called her. 

And then she found herself back in America for a year. Not Iowa, no she stayed far away from Iowa, but New York and California mostly. She traveled between the two for interviews, and bumped into Eddie at a bar. The odds had thrown her off, and then she was steeling herself again, becoming Danielle instead of Dani. At 22, she had accomplished a lot more than most her age, but still couldn’t allow the part of her that was kept locked away in its cage to be set free. 

There she was at 27, sitting in the office of her publishing empire, still not completely free but more free than she could have ever imagined at 22. 

Eight o’clock rolled around and people started filing into the office slowly. Dani had lifted the blinds on the two windows that looked out into the office. She liked to watch every one interacting, had even joined in a few times herself, just to show them that she could be seen

as an acquaintance as well. 

The three sharp knocks that sounded on her door startled her from where she had been staring out into space. 

She furrowed her eyebrows and stood from her big chair to open the door, only to be met with Eddie wearing a huge grin that usually meant he was up to something. 

“Eddie, it’s only eight fifteen what could possibly be so importan–”

Her eyes drifted toward the woman standing beside him, and she forced herself to stand up a bit straighter and clear her throat. The woman had brunette curls that she had pinned back into a bun, probably in an attempt to tame them, and blue-green eyes that caused Dani’s breath to catch in her throat as she met them. She wore dress pants that fit her nicely, nicer than would be appropriate to acknowledge, paired with a white button-up blouse that she had tucked in. The woman had also opted for more comfortable foot-wear, wedges that weren’t too high. Something one could easily fast walk in if needed. 

“Uh,” Eddie started, clearing his throat, which caused the brunette woman to avert her gaze from where it had left Dani’s own to once her over, though by the small smirk that played on her lips, it had been apparent that wasn’t all she was doing. 

“Danielle,” her eyes snapped to Eddie to let him know she was paying attention as well, “this is Jamie Taylor. She’s the new editor I told you about. The one that Peter and I hired last week?” 

She hoped her slight shock hid the pink she felt forming on her cheeks, “Right, I remember you telling me about her.” 

Dani smiled at the woman, at Jamie, and held out a hand, “I’m Danielle, it’s nice to meet you Miss Taylor. I hope it’s everything you’ve expected so far?” 

Dani genuinely wanted to know. 

“Pleasure to meet you as well, Miss Clayton. My little brother’s a big fan of your books. Both the children’s and your series,” Jamie smiled as she shook Danielle’s hand, “And yes, I reckon it’s everything I expected it to be and more.” 

Her accent had thrown Dani for a loop, one she couldn’t quite place though she knew the woman can’t have been from London. It wasn’t bad, no, Dani found herself quite enjoying it when the brunette spoke. 

More than would be deemed professional in a setting like theirs. 

“Well, I’m glad he likes them, if he ever has any questions about them feel free to ask away,” she let out a small laugh, earning a smile from Jamie and a majorly confused look from Eddie. 

“Eddie,” Dani looked up at him, “would you mind telling everyone that debrief will be set back about fifteen minutes? They can all go ahead and get to work if they wish, I think it’s best I see to it that Jamie gets settled in.” 

“But Dani–” 

Danielle leaned against the door frame, crossed her arms, and raised an eyebrow. 

It’s a move she had learned from Judy and her mother, when they were trying to convey that the argument would be over before it even began. 

And Eddie knew what it meant too. 

The fact that Dani paid him and decided his salary also played into the fact that he knew he should shut up. 

“Alright, only because I–”

She raised her eyebrow higher, daring him to finish the sentence. 

He only turned and walked off with a mumbled, “Fine,” as he did when they were kids and she and Judy teamed up on him to remind him that he could only have the freshly baked cookies after dinner. 

Jamie’s eyebrows had quirked up at that, and as Dani held out her arm to invite the brunette into the office she’d asked, “Trouble in paradise?” 

It was bold, considering they had only met less than five minutes ago, but as they sat across from each other, Dani found that she hadn’t minded much, had actually wanted to speak to her and could probably also listen to the woman’s voice all day long. 

She let out a short, wry laugh, “Hardly. No, we actually just broke off our engagement. I broke off our engagement. Known each other since we were kids though and he followed me here.” 

“Seems like he’s quite the lovesick puppy.” 

Dani didn’t know what possessed her to say her next words, something about the woman across from her gave her comfort, a calm in all the storm. 

“Wish I could make myself feel the same way about him. Any man, really.” 

But she didn’t give the other woman a chance to respond. Acted like she hadn’t seen the curious glint in her eyes, wanting to know more. 

She cleared her throat, “Anyway, um, quick rundown. Everyone gets to the office between eight and eight-thirty, they just all like to make small talk in the mornings and plan for evenings out, I guess. Debrief happens at eight-thirty, just going over what should be accomplished and who has their deadlines to meet and whatnot. New projects, and new authors if we have them. Then by nine everyone should be set and off to work. You can take lunch any time between eleven-thirty and one-fifteen. Just let Susan down on the first floor know that you’re headed out so she can let me know in case I need to find you. Just so I don’t run around looking like a madwoman trying to find you if you’re needed,” Dani threw her a smile, though it was more for letting Jamie know that she was joking for the most part. 

Jamie only nodded and returned the smile, only half of her mouth upturned though. 

And then it hit Dani. 

This was the woman from the pub, the one that Flora had been telling her was staring at her almost all night. Miles had even backed his sister up. And the one glance Dani threw her way had caused a fire to erupt in her stomach as their eyes met for what seemed like hours, probably only a couple of seconds in reality, before she hastily turned her head back to focus on Flora’s elaborate story. 

“And do you partake in any of those nights out?” Jamie asked suddenly, as she leaned forward a bit. 

“No, not anymore, I’m afraid. Don’t find them quite as fun as I used to. Why do you ask?” 

“Well, I reckon if the boss doesn’t do it then I shouldn’t either.” 

“Oh! No, no, really, don’t stop your fun on my account. I find my ways. Have my own fun I suppose,” she smiled as she reminded herself of Miles and Flora. 

“Well, I’ll just keep from having too much fun, then,” and Jamie was sending her a wink that probably should not have made her blush as much as it had. 

“To each their own, I suppose,” Dani kept her voice even and her smile loose enough to be considered friendly. She needed to get a grip. 

“Clock out any time after five,” she nodded to herself, as if her attempt to regain her composure was working. 

“Got it,” Jamie smiled and stuck out her hand once more, as if wanting to seal the deal. 

Dani took it in her own for the second time in the short ten minutes they’d known each other, though she found her hand cold without Jamie’s. 

She glanced at the clock, eight-twenty five. Really, she could have made debrief on time. But she hadn’t known how long it would take her to compose herself after Jamie left her office. 

“Do you maybe want to grab a drink sometime? There’s this pub called A Batter Place near my condo and it’s really good.” 

“You ask all of your employees to grab a drink with ya?” 

There was that smirk again. Dani didn’t exactly hate it, though.

“Just the ones I find easy to talk to. I’m not as,” Dani waved her hand and looked around her office as if that voiced what she was trying to say, “as they make me seem.” 

“Danielle Clayton, not,” Jamie imitated the hand movement with a mischievous smile, “at all.” 

Dani found Jamie easier to talk to than she should have. It wasn’t often she found a person that was daring enough to joke around with her. A person that made her feel as calm as Jamie had. 

“My best mate Owen owns the pub, actually. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind it if we popped in for a few drinks. Say tomorrow around 6:30 if you can?” 

“Sounds good,” Dani grinned and stood from her chair as Jamie did the same. She chanced another glance at the clock, eight-forty. “Sorry to cut this short, it seems like I have five minutes of reprieve before I break the hearts of two people.” 

Jamie only looked confused. 

“Promotion day,” Dani said flatly. And then Jamie was nodding her head with her eyebrows raised in understanding. 

“Well, I wish you luck. Not that you’ll need it, you are Danielle Clayton, after all.” 

It was almost as if it was a reminder, one that Jamie somehow knew she needed. 

“Thank you,” Dani looked down at her, her heels giving her the slightest height advantage, and locked eyes with the brunette once more.

The world seemed to stop as their eyes met for what seemed like the millionth time that day. Phone lines stopped ringing, the sound of papers being printed halted, and the chatter of the office became distant. 

And Dani begged to ask the question: 

Jamie Taylor, where did you come from? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y’all enjoyed!! Please feel free to give any feedback or leave some comments!


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long chapter for you guys!! A lot happens in this chapter, and even more is to come!

Jamie strided into the lobby of the modern high-rise with a certain swagger in her step, and saw the man she had originally met in the back of a hole in the wall cafe, Eddie O’ Mara. He seemed a lot more composed, less nervous than he had been during their introduction. He was dressed in a similar suit as he had been when they first met, and despite being a lot calmer, he had a certain disposition that made Jamie uncomfortable. Eddie perked up as his peripheral vision caught Jamie moving towards him with purpose. 

“Miss Taylor.” He greeted, outstretching his hand, which she briefly shook. It being sweaty and clammy was a common occurrence she supposed.

“Jamie will do just fine.” She reminded, before shoving her hands in her pockets. They both glanced around before she cleared her throat. “Well, we haven’t got all day, haven’t we?” She rocked onto the balls of her feet, and promptly headed towards the elevators, Eddie on her heels. He quickly caught up to her due to his taller stature, but Jamie didn’t mind hanging back, just this once. After all, she had no clue where she was going.

“Since your job requires lots of interaction with Danielle and all of the editors, you’ll be on the fifteenth floor with the rest of us. Closer access to her is crucial here. Small talk always works well on her-” 

“I know how to do my job, mate. I get you’re trying to help, but let me do my thing.” She patted his shoulder hesitantly. “I’ll get it done.” Eddie nodded at her, and the two stood in silence until they reached the top floor. 

“She’ll already be here. I”ll introduce you two and get out of your hair.” It was almost painful to hear Eddie’s American accent, the painfully harsh midwestern influence sounding like nails on a chalkboard. How did he even meet Dani? She had to be British, choosing somewhere like London to set up such a successful company. Americans, gross, but American  _ men _ ? An entirely different level of distaste. 

They walked down the hall to two big wooden doors, which Jamie absentmindedly clicked her tongue towards. Classy. She moved stray curls that had fallen from her bun out of her face as Eddie knocked on the door, promptly opened by the infamous Danielle Clayton, who Jamie didn’t realize she was so anxious to meet. 

She felt her entire self falter as she saw Danielle for the first time. She was the pub girl. The pub girl from last night that had looked so good. The pub girl that Jamie had found herself staring at a little  _ too  _ much. Danielle looked even better dressed for business, sporting a pantsuit that had Jamie raking her eyes down her figure, before quickly bringing them back to eye level, internally shunning herself for doing so in the first place. Her back straightened as quickly as it slumped; now wasn’t the time to let a brief attraction get in the way of her job. It was odd though. She didn’t have a smile on her face, rather an annoyed expression, directed towards Mr. O’Mara.

“Eddie, it’s only eight fifteen what could possibly be so importan–” The blonde quickly noticed Jamie standing there, and an immediate pink tinted her cheeks, followed by her struggling to regain composure. It entertained Jamie to watch the big bad businesswoman misstep. Her prediction was wrong though. Danielle was also American, but something about her voice, perhaps the subtle lilt to it, had Jamie wanting to hear her speak for hours. 

The two women ran through a lengthened introduction, Jamie realizing that the blonde did not recognize her. As Jamie spoke, she noticed Danielle do yet  _ another  _ double take, which only amused Jamie further. For as much as Edmund and the press put her on a pedestal, all she saw was a normal, slightly anxious, but normal woman. Jamie’s mind began to drift as Danielle turned her attention to Eddie yet again, with a more hostile attitude. 

Whether she liked it or not, this woman captivated her, and she couldn’t figure out why. Nevertheless, she immediately shook the thoughts from her head as Eddie left the office in a huff. She had to stop letting her usual indifferent attitude get the best of her. This woman literally killed a child. Whether she could picture Danielle doing so or not. 

“Trouble in paradise?” Jamie quipped, sliding into one of the chairs positioned across from Danielle’s desk. The blonde only let out a sardonic laugh vocalized from the back of her throat, thickening the tension between the two women. Despite the unease in the air, Jamie still felt comfortable talking with Danielle. The conversation continued about Eddie, and Jamie wanted the topic to change. No matter who was currently employing her, men made Jamie uncomfortable, save Owen Sharma. She wasn’t sure if it was due to nature or nurture, but she disliked associating with them, and her being a lesbian usually saved her from this predicament. And for some odd reason, it annoyed Jamie to hear Danielle talk about Eddie, even if it made her ears twitch that  _ she  _ was the one to break off her engagement with him. She still continued entertaining the conversation until Danielle dropped a comment that made Jamie’s breath hitch.

“Wish I could make myself feel the same way about him. Any man, really.” Was she…? No, she couldn’t be. Maybe she just didn’t have enough time for men with such a busy job. Still, the possibility was there…

Jamie’s thoughts raced and before she could even clear her throat, Danielle started rambling about the office. She internally shunned herself for the possibility even crossing her mind. This woman didn’t matter to her. She was an awful person and she had to be punished for what she did. Part of her job did entail being nice to her though, and reeling her in to a false sense of security. 

Suddenly, the look in Danielle’s eyes changed. It was no longer a look of interest and curiosity but now recognition. She looked at Jamie like she had known her for her entire life. It was eerie how just a look made Jamie feel like she knew Danielle too. This was the first time she had ever felt off guard, and once again she didn’t know why. And Jamie hated not knowing things. 

“And do you partake in any of those nights out?” Jamie said suddenly, hoping boldness would distract from the exposition of her nervousness. 

And it had worked. Jamie had charmed her way into getting drinks with Danielle Clayton tomorrow after work, at Owen’s pub. She smirked to herself in achievement as she walked to the conference room for the promotion meeting. It was tense, but her money was on Eddie. They seemed like siblings to Jamie, at least that’s how Eddie had described the pair. But after talking to Danielle the first time, she wasn’t sure that the dynamic he illustrated was correct. She took her seat at eight forty-three, a few stragglers making their way into the glass room that was filled with a long table and dozens of chairs. Jamie noticed that the company’s staff was relatively small in comparison to their noteworthiness. Danielle walked in as soon as the second hand struck eight forty-five, and she dropped her files in front of her as she stood at the head of the table. All attention was on her as she spoke.

“Hello everyone, and welcome to the Bly & Co. Weekly Staff Meeting.” The smile that Jamie once saw plastered across her face looked as though it had never existed. It felt like she had never met this woman before. “Alright, we all know the big news that we’re discussing today, but we’re saving that for the end. More important things to address first.” She listed and talked about in great deal any new projects that they would be working on, she went over specific deadlines for already in-progress literature. It fascinated Jamie how this woman had polar opposite personalities just at work, She couldn’t imagine how much different it would be conversing with her over drinks.

“Now. Promotions. I have two to offer today. Viola Willoughby, I’d like to offer you a promotion from Associate Editor to Managing Editor.” Jamie glanced at the woman, who was blatantly elated. A slew of “congratulations” were thrown around before the sound of Danielle’s voice immediately hushed everyone. “Second. I’m switching around some titles, though your jobs will be the same. The current Chief Editor title is now called Managing Editor. So Edmund O’ Mara, Peter Quint, you both are Managing Editors. Rebecca Jessel, I’d like to offer you the position of Editor in Chief.”

A hush fell over the room, most unsure of what to say. It seemed that Jamie wasn’t the only one to be betting that Edmund would be receiving the promotion. Wide-eyed glances were exchanged, acting as silent whispers of gossip that were exchanged among co-workers. Even Rebecca’s eyes were agape, more astonished than the entire room combined. Peter’s lips were pursed, although it didn’t compare to the emotions that emanated from Eddie. He sunk into his chair slightly, a scowl forming on his face that he had attempted to fight off, a sad defeat to witness. 

While everyone’s eyes were on the editors that were once promotional candidates, Jamie’s eyes moved to Danielle who looked terrified. Because she thought no eyes were on her, her eyes widened, analyzing the scene unfolding in front of her, her lip quivering slightly. She looked towards Jamie, her alarmed expression holding. And the more Jamie told herself that she didn’t feel an ounce of empathy, the more she told herself to believe it. Promotions were difficult, it came with being the boss of a company. “Danielle isn’t special,” Jamie repeated internally, even though she wasn’t sure if she was convinced. 

The day was quiet and cumbersome, it made Jamie dislike being here. She felt as though she couldn’t laugh, smile even. When she ran files up, down, and across floors, she saw Eddie and Peter grumbling together, whether it was in the break room during lunch or around cubicle corners. When Eddie would see her walk by, he’d throw her a quick wave or nod his head towards her in friendly acknowledgement. It made Jamie shudder, even if she was working with him. Something about him felt off, but anyone who hired an actual hitman probably wasn’t in their right mind. Jamie knew she wasn’t one to talk either. It was a blessing for five o’ clock to come, releasing employees into the warm and wet March air that let them take a breath of fresh air, their office building’s air being thick with tension the entire day. 

\--------

The knife in Jamie’s pocket could be used to cut the heavy apprehension and there were more eggshells to walk on than yesterday. The twenty-four hours between five o'clock yesterday and now felt like a lifetime. Throughout the day, her eyes continuously found their way back to Danielle through her large office windows, and sometimes they would accidentally meet the blonde’s gaze, and both would hastily look away. The trend continued throughout the day, and when the shades were drawn for Rebecca’s promotional meeting, Jamie wandered to the break room, where Peter and Eddie soon followed. They were enraptured in conversation, not noticing Jamie in the corner near a vent, a cigarette lit. 

“She should have refused it. Can’t blame her though, it’s the promotion of a lifetime.” Peter shook his head, leaning against the counter. Eddie nodded in agreement.

“It’s obviously Danielle’s fault. Everyone in the office and their mothers know me or you is more qualified than Rebecca. I fuckin’ bet you that she had… _ ulterior _ motives.” Eddie drank what had to be his third coffee that day, and Peter scoffed. Jamie quirked an eyebrow. She had heard of breakroom gossip, but she certainly hadn’t pictured anything this interesting.

“No way in hell I’m letting Becs near her alone on a day to day basis.” He scorned, crushing his empty soda can in his hand. “She gets  _ one  _ meeting with Danielle, for working out promotional details, of course. After that, I’m not letting them be alone together again. I know Becs wouldn’t do anything like  _ that _ , but you can’t ever trust people like Danielle.” The two shook their heads with pairs of pursed lips, wishing they didn’t agree with one another. Jamie mused over all of the possibilities that came with what she had just heard. What was it about Danielle? What made her so untrustworthy? She wanted to ask so badly, just to be in “the know.” Yet everytime she wanted to say something that might be deemed out of line, she reminded herself of the hefty five-hundred thousand dollars that was so close she could almost taste it.

She returned to her desk, and realized without Peter and Eddie deliberating loudly, she could hear the discussion between Danielle and Rebecca, as her desk was closest to the door. Based on what she heard from the two men in the breakroom, she didn’t expect the two to sound like close friends, laughing and bantering with one another. It brought her slight peace of mind that Peter and Eddie weren’t great judges of the woman’s character.

\-------

The clock hanging on Jamie’s wall read six twenty, and Jamie sat on her bed, pulling her shoes on. Rain hammered against the windows with such force that she was worried the glass would shatter. She went downstairs, and was surprised to see Danielle already there, shaking her umbrella as she had a few days ago in the same spot. The blonde looked around nervously, until seeing Jamie near the bar, and hurried over, a smile across her face. Her hair was damp and a few stray strands were glued to her face with water droplets, and she kept herself warm with a thick purple sweater, a contrast to her work attire. 

“Hello, Miss Clayton.” Jamie nodded towards her, and the blonde returned a playful scoff. 

“You know you don’t need to call me that.” Jamie sat in her back booth, and Danielle followed, running her finger over the small and shiny plate that read Jamie’s name. She raised her eyebrows in curiosity, as Jamie took her umbrella and put it in the back for her.

“What do you suggest I call you then?” Jamie leaned back into the bench, and noticed a pensive look in her eyes.

“Call me Dani outside of work. It feels more  _ me _ I guess.” Jamie nodded in response. 

“Ok,  _ Dani _ .” She faintly heard Dani inhale sharply. “But if I’m gonna call you that, you better be calling me Jamie, even in work. I fuckin’ hate ‘Miss Taylor.’” She chuckled, before sliding a menu over to her. “Do you know what you want? I’ll buy.” An impish glare was shot towards Jamie, followed by a head shake.

“I’m not letting you buy anything for me. I asked you, so I’m paying,” She smirked as she saw Jamie’s lips purse in defeat. “ _ Jamie _ .” Just as Dani had inhaled, Jamie exhaled sharply in response. Upon hearing Dani say her name, she felt a surge of adrenaline run through her body. Dani didn’t feel like her boss here, they felt like friends. 

Every time that Jamie found herself feeling compassion for Dani, she had to realign herself with the task at hand. The pair of them ordered drinks, and then decided they wanted food as well. Jamie would still occasionally insist on paying for the both of them, which Dani would immediately shut down. Conversation occurred naturally, Dani even mentioning that she used to babysit for  _ the  _ Wingraves.

“That’s actually how I ended up in editing and publishing. Henry Wingrave’s autobiography was the first book I published. His niece and nephew are the sweetest though. I still go there from time to time to see them, and I sometimes bring them here too.”

“Hmm...I never would’ve pictured you to be a Mary Poppins.” Jamie chuckled, eliciting an eye roll from Dani.

“Everybody starts somewhere, Miss Taylor.” 

“Boy do I know it.” Jamie sighed, before taking another sip from her drink. Whether she liked it or not, Jamie found herself smiling a little wider whenever she heard Dani’s laugh. She found herself thinking about the conversation between Peter and Eddie that happened in the break room earlier today, and she still rendered herself extremely curious of the nature and context of their bitter attitudes. 

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but why is Eddie so…?” she twirled her hand in the air, a bored expression speaking for her. “I hear him in the break room, he seems like such a downer.” Danielle merely rolled her eyes when she heard Eddie’s name, downing part of her drink to combat the rising annoyance within her. 

“He’s mad I broke off our engagement, and that promotion only fueled the fire. It’s not like I could give it to him though. He thought that just because we were engaged, nothing I said applied to him, which cost me so much time, fixing his mistakes.” She reached into the fries that they were sharing. Jamie’s eyes softened as she listened to Dani, which seemed to make the blonde relax. “Work I could tolerate, and he was always nice enough to me. But ever since we got together in high school, it always felt like there was something missing, I guess. It was so frustrating because our mothers pushed for us to be together too. I felt trapped because I didn’t want to be with him anymore, it felt…awful.” Dani sighed, lifting her bottle to her lips on impulse. “It didn’t help that he got so mad at me for something that isn’t even my fault! He would always think everything is about him. He  _ still  _ thinks that too. God, he hasn’t gotten it through his thick skull that me being gay has nothing to do with him.” She shook her head absentmindedly before nearly spitting her ale back into her bottle, her eyes growing wide. 

There it was. It felt as though a weight had been lifted off of Jamie’s shoulders, and Dani suddenly acted as though there was a dumbbell sitting on hers. Jamie had a suspicion that she wasn’t straight, but she would be lying if she said that she wasn’t glad to hear that Dani was attracted to women. 

Meanwhile, Dani looked like a deer in headlights. She sputtered as she tried to regain composure, yet unable to find any words to say. Now, not only suppressed elation but also empathy filled Jamie. She knew the feeling of uncertainty that came with revealing your sexuality to someone, whether it was intentional or not. She placed her hand atop Dani’s, hoping it would put the blonde at ease. The rain coming down in buckets made the silence comfortable. 

“It’s ok. I know the feeling.” Jamie leaned back and found herself missing the warmth of the back of the blonde’s hand. “But aye, welcome to the club.” She winked, which only caused Dani to choke on her words more.

“Wait, does that mean… Are you?” She stammered, curiosity getting the better of her. Dani Clayton seemed to appreciate things blunt. 

“You didn’t know? I thought it was pretty obvious.” She laughed as Owen came with the check which Jamie stole from his hands before Dani could even flinch.

“Ah ah ah Miss Taylor,” Owen tutted, “That’s not yours for the taking. I was actually informed to give it to  _ her  _ an hour ago.” He took the receipt back and handed it to Dani, a victorious grin plastered across her face.

“How did you…?” 

“I told the hostess that I wanted the check when I came in. It’s hospitality, Jamie.” 

“I suppose so.” Jamie rolled her eyes, before glancing out the window, the sky practically raining cats and dogs. 

“I never would’ve expected you to...like women.” Dani trailed off, before Jamie returned to her gaze. 

“Oh, I don’t like women, Dani. I love them.” Jamie couldn’t help but flirt with her, it was too easy. “And please, look at me right now and tell me you could picture me with a man.”

“Alright, you got me there.” Dani chuckled, her laugh sounding more breathy and nervous than ever. “It’s kind of comforting to hear, I guess. It feels like Eddie still resents me for telling him.”

“You don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to figuring yourself out.” Dani nodded, a smile of thankfulness shining softly as she received her card back from Owen.

Jamie followed Dani’s eyes to the window, where lightning struck, and a loud clap of thunder soon followed, causing the blonde to jump. The rain fell from the sky heavily and quickly. The television positioned over the bartop pulled the two women from their thoughts, an emergency message interrupting the news. Along with a distress alarm, the announcer reported that their area of London would have their streets shut down due to the storm until 6am tomorrow. 

“Are you serious?” Dani sighed, pushing the hair that fell into her face backwards. 

“Well it makes sense, the streets are completely flooded. It’s damn near a hurricane.” Jamie observed. 

Dani grumbled to herself in frustration. “I guess I’d better get going, before the storm gets worse.”

“How are you getting home?” Jamie questioned, quirking an eyebrow. 

“I mean, I have an umbrella. Walking should only take like half an hour.” Dani replied, sliding out of the booth. 

“Are you crazy? You’re not going out in that.” Jamie immediately said, grabbing her forearm. “If you want...you can stay here. I do owe you for dinner.” 

“Stay here? In the restaurant? Thank you, so much, for the offer, but-”

“Of course not, Poppins,” Jamie threw her head back in laughter as she got up as well. “My flat’s right above this pub.” She watched a blush rise in Dani’s cheeks, before looking around nervously. 

“Poppins?” Dani quirked her own eyebrow at the nickname, trying to regain her composure. 

“I uh,” Jamie paused, as if debating, “saw you come in with those two kids on Sunday, plus the umbrella. Seemed fitting.” 

“Right,” Dani couldn’t help the smile that played across her lips before getting nervous once again, “are you sure? I don’t want to intrude.”

“Oh, you wouldn’t be. Trust me, the plants are dying to hear a voice other than mine.” Jamie laughed, grabbing Dani’s umbrella before heading to the back stairs, Dani on her heels.

“Plants?” 

“Oh, please tell me they have plants in America. You know, green things? You water them, give em’ sunlight, they grow?”

“I know what plants are. I just didn’t peg you as someone to have a green thumb.” Dani playfully scoffed as they ascended the stairs.

“I surprise a lot of people.” Jamie replied, unlocking the door, immediately cursing herself upon seeing the unbuilt couch, still sitting on the floor. “Fuckin’ shit.” 

“What’s the matter?”

“I uh...I don’t have a couch.” She said, gesturing towards the large box that sat against the wall. 

“Why are you freaking out over a couch?” Dani laughed, only for Jamie to grow more nervous.

“It means I don’t have anything other than a bed.” She admitted. “I can sleep on the floor, you take the bed, if you’d like. I didn’t think about it til’ now.” She bit her lip in anticipation, expecting Dani to turn on her heel and walk right back through the doorway.

“Don’t kid yourself. I trust you. We can share.” Dani smiled, setting her umbrella against the wall near the door, before closing it and locking it for Jamie. “Can’t have my employee get a bad night’s sleep.” She winked. Jamie nodded. She was glad she was so careful with her work. She kept everything hidden, just in case, incriminating information neatly organized in boxes within boxes at the top of old broom closets. She then noticed Dani looking around.

Her apartment wasn’t small, but it wasn’t anything to marvel at either. Her living room and kitchen were essentially the same room, a counter connecting to the wall separating the two. To the left was a short hall that led to a bathroom and then her bedroom. If you looked the other way, to the right of the doorway, you’d see the majority of her plants, positioned in front of the windows to give them sunlight. Still, if you made your way around the apartment, there were plants dispersed everywhere. It was like a jungle.

“S’probably nothing you’re used to.” 

“Oh trust me, I’d rather be here than my own.” Jamie couldn’t help but wonder the specifics behind what she had just said, but ultimately decided to keep her mouth shut. 

“So, the night’s still young. What do ya wanna do?” Jamie asked, hoisting herself on the counter to sit.

“Well, I did enjoy talking to you downstairs.” 

“Then let’s talk.” 

And talk they did. For hours until yawns interrupted them repeatedly, and only then did they realize it was past midnight. Jamie lent Dani a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, she herself changing into those same things as well. Jamie felt her cheeks grow hot as Dani pulled back the blankets to get into bed next to her, something about this entire encounter feeling unusually normal, which gave her a sense of contentment. Jamie pulled the string on her lamp, leaving the two in pitch blackness and the sound of rain pattering on the windows. 

“Good night, Jamie.” Dani muttered, turning on her side, falling asleep soon after. 

“Night, Poppins.” Jamie replied, staring at the ceiling, the gun under her pillow feeling more uncomfortable than ever. This was her chance, and she knew it, almost too well. No witnesses, no rush, no time like the present. 

As she laid next to her, she eventually felt and heard Dani’s breaths even out, which meant it was go time. For the first time in a while, her hands shook as she drew her gun from under her pillow, silencer already equipped. 

Jamie sat up quietly, before hovering over Dani, who’s soft breaths occurred like clockwork. She aimed the barrel at her forehead, which crinkled slightly as she dreamt. Her hand kept shaking. Her eyes kept averting. Her forehead was sweating. Her conscience was bothering her. 

_ “I trust you.”  _ Dani had barely known Jamie for two days and she still trusted her. Why? Jamie wasn’t to be trusted, by anyone. Dani would agree if she woke up right now. She didn’t deserve Dani’s kindness. Never in her twenty-something years of living has anyone invited her to dinner. Until now. Never has someone been let into her flat. Until now. Never has Jamie questioned pulling the trigger. Until now. 

Jamie lowered the gun. She sighed heavily, kicking her feet over the edge of the bed, holding her head in one of her hands. She needed water. She put the gun in her safe instead of under the pillow and walked to the kitchen. She cursed herself out as she opened a cupboard for a glass, then filling it with tap water. As she shut the water off, she heard the soft pad of feet against the hardwood floor.  _ Shit.  _ Dani had been awake this entire time? She began to panic, and silenced herself as Dani came into the kitchen.

“Jamie?”

“...Yeah? What’s up?”

“Are you alright?” Jamie let go of the breath she had been holding. 

“Oh...yeah. Just a little trouble sleeping is all.” Dani furrowed her brow out of sympathy and guilt.

“I didn’t kick you or anything, did I? I usually don’t, I just-”

“No, Poppins. You’re all good. I wasn’t as tuckered out as I thought I was, that’s all.” She downed the rest of her water before walking over to Dani, placing her hand on her back, ushering her back down the hall. “Let’s get you back to bed. A big day for you tomorrow.” She said, winking, and Dani just nodded. 

Jamie sighed as she got into bed, knowing everything took a turn for the worst. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t bring herself to kill Dani, in one of the most perfect possible scenarios at that. She couldn’t pull the trigger no matter how much her fingers told her to do so. If she couldn’t kill her now, Jamie knew she wouldn’t be able to do it in the future. 

Tonight yielded a lot of firsts for Jamie Taylor, more than she could count, the most important being for the first time in her life, Jamie Taylor was unsuccessful. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let us know what you guys thought! We really enjoy this story and we have big plans.  
> Our twitters are @dancecoffins and @loveqvinns in case you want to follow us there :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody, back with another chapter. Sorry it took a bit, school has been killing me. This chapter gets a little serious toward the end, but I hope you enjoy anyway! 
> 
> TW/CW: miscarriage

The weight sitting atop her shoulders from the day before – and that day – seemed to lift as she sat in her apartment, waiting for exactly six, so she could start walking to A Batter Place. Instead she was plagued with mild anxiety, anxious over the fact she would soon be meeting the woman Edmund hired not as Danielle, but instead, Dani. She knew it was a bit odd, her offer of drinks within ten minutes of knowing the brunette, but something had just drawn her toward that mischievous smirk and those twinkling blue-green eyes. 

She thought back to the day before, how she so graciously handed Rebecca the promotion instead of Eddie or Peter. Rebecca had been there for a shorter amount of time, not by long, only a month or two after Peter himself was hired, but she excelled in the areas the two men didn’t. She was smart, genius, really. The amount of times Rebecca had come to her with ways they could make things more efficient around the office she could count on one hand, which is more than she could say for anyone else. But the ideas had worked every time. 

The hush that had fallen over everyone when she announced that she was giving the promotion to Rebecca Jessel had made her anxious. Made her second guess herself until she caught Jamie Taylor’s eyes with her own. Until she realized that Jamie Taylor had seen her guard slip for only a moment, for the second time that day. She realized that she had to be careful, especially when Jamie was in the room. It seemed the brunette looked at her in the times everyone else hadn’t even noticed she was there. When their scrutinizing gazes landed on Rebecca, Jamie’s eyes stayed on her as she allowed herself the small reprieve of slumping her shoulders for a moment until everyone had gotten over their initial shock. 

When she had straightened and cleared her throat all eyes turned back to her, waiting. Some gazes asked if she was being serious, others were just confused. Peter’s and Eddie’s eyes stayed where they were, Peter’s on Rebecca and Eddie’s on the table in front of him. Eddie looked like he had when they’d gotten in trouble after one of the many stunts they pulled as children, only disbelief riddled his face rather than guilt. 

“Right. Viola, Rebecca, congratulations. You both will continue on as normal today and we will meet tomorrow to go over the details of your promotions,” the thoughts that had been swirling around in her head only made her want to end the meeting faster. 

Had she chosen the wrong people for the promotion? No, she was confident that Viola and Rebecca would fare very well with their new statuses. 

“Everyone, we have a big week ahead of us, so let’s get to it, yeah?” The huge smile she plastered on her face was fake, one she had perfected over the years. Luckily, the only people that had known her long enough to be able to read her couldn’t. They could never tell the difference. Maybe Rebecca would have been able to, if she were looking hard enough. Eddie never was able to read her, and Peter, well Peter Quint simply didn’t give a damn. 

And sometimes, she was grateful for that. 

Though, as she glanced to her side, something told her that a certain curly haired brunette could read her as easily as a book. Her eyebrows were furrowed only slightly, her lips seeming to move only as lightly as the air around them, though not even a whisper of her voice made an appearance, as she reminded herself of something, her gaze never leaving Dani’s even if the blonde had sworn she saw the shape of her name come from Jamie’s lips. Even the unsure look the brunette gave after finally breaking eye contact wasn’t enough to waiver Dani’s curiosity. 

She decided then that she would learn to read Jamie Taylor like a book. In hopes that she could figure out an otherwise closed off person. One that she may have felt a bit of attraction toward. 

But she would keep things professional. Well, as professional as drinks could be. Drinks in a pub where she would tell her employee slash coworker to call her Dani. Where she would reveal that she hated her full name. The way that hearing it outside of work only brought pain and memories of a drunken mother and a father whose face she only remembered because of the photos her mother left standing on the mantle above the fireplace. For guests, mainly. So that when they saw them they would be reminded of the loss and give their condolences. 

She wouldn’t say all of that though, not yet at least. That was the farthest thing from professional and personal details, more so than the normal things, needed time to build. Needed a certain trust to build on. 

She shook her head and downed the little bit of wine she had left, some encouragement, before she stood and allowed herself to look over her outfit one last time. She opted for something a little more comfortable, having been in work clothes and heels all day. A pair of high rise jeans and a purple sweater would have to do. She left her hair loose, no sense in pulling it back if the light rain would only make it disheveled either way. Her white tennis shoes threw the whole look off a bit, but she was a publisher, not a fashion designer. She hadn’t a clue what she was doing when it came to being able to put good outfits together unless it was for work. 

The ringing of her phone made her jump slightly, the alarm she had set indicating that it was five minutes 'till six and she should start leaving. The walk was only fifteen minutes at most, the light rain maybe setting her back a few minutes. She didn’t mind the rain, had always loved it because it gave her an excuse to stay inside. Not tonight, though. No, she would brave the light drizzle for the sake of needing other friends. Friends other than Eddie. 

She stepped and reached for her purse and umbrella, a black umbrella she had gotten when she took Miles and Flora to see the West End production of Mary Poppins. The one Flora had insisted she buy so they could have matching ones, although Flora’s was smaller, the matching parrots had caught the young girl’s eye. 

“You could be exactly like Mary Poppins!” She had exclaimed. “Just don’t go flying off or else we won’t get lunch!”

And Dani had been sold. 

Now, as she walked outside into the rain, she was grateful Flora had convinced her to buy the umbrella, otherwise she was sure she wouldn’t have one. 

Luckily the rain stayed light the entire way to the pub, although her shoes did take the brunt of the damage as she walked through several small puddles without realizing until it was too late. She’d only had a block to go, and she could see the bright sign with the restaurant’s name when a big gust of wind made her lose her balance for a moment. The death grip she had on her umbrella helped her keep it from moving too far from where it had sat above her head. A moment of struggle ended soon enough, only her shoes coming away a little more wet than they had been, and her hair having held a few water droplets. The wind died down and she was able to resume her normal pace, the nerves bubbling low within her stomach as she neared the pub and the glass door came into sight. 

Before she reached for it, having quickened her pace to try and get out of the rain before it picked up, she glanced at her watch. 

_ Six twenty _ , it read. 

Dani sighed in relief as she opened the door to the pub and shook out her umbrella a bit before stepping all the way inside. The small covering above the door had been just long enough so she hadn’t gotten any wetter when she poked her head out of the door as well, to make sure her umbrella had been mostly dried before allowing herself into the pub completely so she could close the umbrella. 

Dani then looked up, into the pub for the first time that night. She practically had it memorized with how often she had been going in the last few months, however it had been different that night. A feeling she couldn’t explain, but it wasn’t offputting. 

It may have just been her nerves. Meeting people outside of work had never been her strong suit. Meeting pretty women outside of work, well, there was a first time for everything. 

She hadn’t even noticed that the pretty woman in question had already entered the pub, seemingly coming from nowhere until she heard her voice. The voice she could probably spend hours listening to. 

Before she went any further, she turned to the hostess and made sure she would get the check at the end of the night, no matter how much Jamie insisted, if at all. The hostess agreed, and Dani was grateful that she hadn’t asked any questions. 

“Hello, Miss Clayton,” Jamie sent a nod and a small smile her way as she looked up, her eyes immediately finding the brunette. She sported a Blondie t-shirt and high rise jeans along with black converse, and Dani had thought she never looked better. Seeing Jamie in casual clothing, despite having known her for only a day, undoubtedly did something to her. 

Jamie waved her over to the booth in the back and sat down in it. If she had noticed the way Dani had been staring, had noticed that Dani noticed she had been staring as well, she didn’t give any hint to it. 

“You know you don’t need to call me that,” Dani responded with a playful scoff and an eye roll for good measure as she followed Jamie’s lead and sat down in the booth, across from the brunette. She looked down as she set her purse next to her and noticed the gold plaque that had Jamie’s name engraved on it, bolted into the table. She raised her eyebrows, wondering why Jamie had a plaque at a booth in a pub, but her questions were forgotten as Jamie stood again and moved her umbrella to the back, behind the booth they sat in. 

“What do you suggest I call you then?” Jamie leaned back into the booth seat, never tearing her gaze away from the blonde. 

Dani took a moment, internally debating with herself. 

_ Danielle.  _

_ Dani.  _

_ Danielle.  _

She bit the inside of her cheek roughly. Danielle sounded too sharp. Too much of a reminder that she was being pulled in every direction during every waking second. Danielle was far too… not her. 

“Call me Dani outside of work. It feels more me, I guess.” 

Jamie nodded, “Okay,  _ Dani. _ ” 

The emphasis on her name made Dani falter, inhale sharply. The way it sounded coming from Jamie’s lips, in an accent she could listen to all day. The way it came out so sharply, with a certain precision, but an air of softness surrounded it as well. As if Jamie knew what she meant when she said the nickname better embodied her. 

“But,” Jamie continued, “if I’m gonna call you that, you better be calling me Jamie. Even in work. I fuckin’ hate ‘Miss Taylor’.” The brunette made a face of overdramatic disgust, to get her point across. 

She chuckled a bit, and Dani couldn’t help but offer a smile when Jamie slid the menu over to her.

“Do you know what you want? I’ll buy.” 

Dani shot a light-hearted glare toward her and shook her head, “I’m not letting you buy anything for me. I asked you, so I’m paying.” 

Jamie’s lips pursed, and she looked defeated. Dani smirked, knowing she had won, though Jamie had a mischievous glint in her eye. 

“ _ Jamie. _ ” Dani held her stare, holding her inhale once again as their eyes caught. However, she hadn’t gone without noticing the woman’s slow, yet sharp, exhale in response. 

Eventually their eyes had drifted away from one another, when the waiter came to ask them what they’d like to drink. Jamie ordered a lager and Dani an ale.

The short silence between them wasn’t uncomfortable as they searched for things to say, neither wanting to bring up heavier topics. They stayed that way for a few minutes as they waited on their beers, until Jamie’s stomach grumbled. 

Dani couldn’t help but laugh a bit as Jamie cursed her own stomach. 

“Hungry I see,” the blonde raised her eyebrows, her smile never faltering as she glanced down at the table where Jamie’s stomach was. 

“Last thing I ate was a bag of crisps, actually. Now that I think about it.” 

“Please tell me that’s not all you eat during lunch,” Dani’s eyebrows furrowed with worry. 

“Never said that, no ma’am. And if I never say that it is, you’ll never know.” Jamie pointed at her as if she had just outsmarted her with her jumble of a sentence, but Dani only raised her eyebrow and smiled knowingly, playing along. 

“Mhm. Well, if that hadn’t given it away, I’m sure you would’ve been very good at keeping that secret.” 

“I didn’t give anything away!” Jamie protested. “I’m the best at keeping secrets.” 

Dani held her hands up in surrender, “If you say so. I’ll take your word for it. But,” the blonde put a finger up, “I am a bit hungry myself, so I think I’ll get some food, too.” 

“Alright, then. Whatever you want, miss boss,” Jamie said with an exasperated tone so Dani knew she was only joking. 

Dani scoffed, smiled, and rolled her eyes, “Please. Boss will do just fine,” the blonde winked. 

The waiter had come by just then and asked if they wanted anything, to which both women ordered their food. A salad for Jamie and a small order of chicken wings for Dani. 

“Gotta say, Poppins,” Jamie cleared her throat after the waiter had left, “didn’t take you for a chicken wing person.” 

“Well, I didn’t take you as a salad person. Thought quite the opposite, in fact,” Dani raised her eyebrow. A challenge. 

“I appreciate plants every now and then, even better when they can fill my stomach up,” the brunette joked with a half smile. 

“Right,” Dani nodded, then pointed to herself, “Iowa born and raised, chicken wings and old habits die hard.” 

The blonde reached for her drink and took a sip, albeit holding the glass in an awkward way, with her fingertips holding the sides and her palm arched over the top. She looked up at Jamie through her eyelashes, noticed the way her lips slightly parted and her chest stuttered unevenly. She smirked to herself when she put the drink down. 

Jamie seemed to recollect herself after a moment, pursing her lips together and staring down at her drink before looking back up at Dani. 

“Iowa. Not a clue where that is.” 

“Midwest. Honestly, I wouldn’t know where it is if I hadn’t grown up there. All there is is corn and unfulfilling futures. That,” Dani raised her eyebrows and grabbed for her drink again before pointing at Jamie for emphasis, “is why I moved here.” 

The conversation came easily, and Dani wasn’t sure what it was about Jamie that made it so. She just knew the night could go on forever and she wouldn’t get tired of the brunette sitting across from her. The brunette she caught checking her out one too many times than should be appropriate, considering. But she had done the same, so could she really fault her? 

“Still seem a bit too American for having lived here, what was it? Five years?” 

“Ah ah! But,” Dani set her drink down, “I moved back to the states for a year. Between New York and California, mostly.”

“Ah, the gap year. Yeah, that’ll get ya. You must’ve been fresh out of college when you came over here then?” 

“Fresh out of college with an American teaching degree and not a clue about how the English schooling system worked,” Dani nodded. Her smile was teasing, of course. 

“What’s your do then, when you got here?” 

“I was an au pair. For Henry Wingrave’s niece and nephew.”

“Ah, Henry Wingrave. I’ve heard things about him from the tabloids, but I’m sure it wasn’t true.” Jamie shook her head, and Dani knew Jamie had seen her almost literally jump to defend Henry. 

“He’s a good man, really. And I don’t say that about many men,” Dani joked with a small, remorseful laugh, “he just needed someone to put him in his place. Which happened to be me.” 

“You? Put Mr. Henry Wingrave in his place? I’d pay to see that.” Jamie scoffed, but her boss knew she was only messing around. 

“Well, it didn’t take much, honestly. Just a barely 5’3 au pair, several strongly worded voicemails, and a trip to his office to tell him off. Two weeks later it was a done deal and Miles and Flora were ever so graciously put under the full care of their uncle.” 

Dani’s face was proud, she knew it. She couldn’t help it. Making a difference had been the main reason she’d applied to the au pair job, having spent some time in classrooms with twenty or more kids and endlessly running back and forth between tables or trying to put a stop to who got which crayon. She loved children, honestly, but she felt as though she couldn’t make an actual difference in a classroom. Just a talking head that the kids were forced to listen to for most of their day. 

But with two, just two, she could make it work. She could change something. 

And she had. 

“That’s actually how I ended up in editing and publishing. Henry Wingrave’s autobiography was the first book I published, on the biography side of course. His niece and nephew are the sweetest though. I still go there from time to time to see them, and I sometimes bring them here, too. This is a treat for them, if I’m being honest. They don’t get out much. Used to having their own cook and everything.” 

“Hmm…” Jamie hummed and Dani’s heart stuttered, “never would have pictured you to be a Mary Poppins.”

“Well, everybody starts somewhere, Miss Taylor,” Dani grinned and reached for her drink once more. 

“Boy, do I know it,” Jamie sighed and Dani watched as she took a sip from her drink as well. She couldn’t help but laugh at how exasperated Jamie had been. 

Jamie cleared her throat and set down her drink. Dani caught the hesitant expression that danced across her face for a moment before she spoke. 

“I hope you don’t mind me asking, but why is Eddie so…?” the brunette twirled her hand in the air. Her expression was bored, if a little annoyed with the man, and Dani understood perfectly. 

“I hear him in the break room, he seems like such a downer,” Jamie shook her head, probably disbelieving in the fact that Dani had once been engaged to a man like him. 

All Dani could do was down most of her drink and hope it hid her annoyance and disappointment about the topic being brought up.

She liked Jamie, she would entertain her. Though she wished she had gotten a wine instead of a beer. 

At least it was a drink. 

“He’s mad,” Dani bit her lip before deciding how she should continue, “that I broke off our engagement.” 

She kept her eyes down on her drink as she traced the rim with her forefinger. 

“The promotion only fueled the fire. It’s not like I could give it to him, though. I mean, he thought that just because we were engaged, nothing I said applied to him. Costed me a bunch of time, fixing his mistakes.” 

Dani’s smile was small, bitter, and her head shook with regret. She reached for the french fries that sat in the middle of the table, not exactly sure how they got there. Figuring Jamie may have snuck in the order because she still believed she would get the check. After finishing the fry she looked into Jamie’s eyes, curious as she searched them. 

The brunette’s gaze had softened. There was no doubt about that. Almost as if she were letting Dani see a small part of herself as she spilled something supposed to be kept secret. 

But there was something about Jamie. 

“Work,” she continued, “I could tolerate. And he was always nice enough to me. But ever since we got together in high school, it always felt like there was something missing, I guess. It was so frustrating because our mothers pushed for us to be together too. I felt… trapped? Because I didn’t want to be with him anymore. It felt… awful.” Dani sighed and lifted the beer to her lips and took a sip. 

“It didn’t help when he got mad at me for something that isn’t even my fault!” She groaned frustratingly. “He’d always make everything about him. He still thinks that, too. God,” she put her her drink back down, “he hasn’t gotten it through his thick skull that me being gay has nothing to do with him.” 

The blonde practically spewed the words, her mouth working faster than her brain. She felt like she had just unloaded a lot of weight, but only before the realization hit her. 

Her eyes widened as she looked up at the brunette across from her. 

She had just come out to Jamie. 

Jamie. Who worked at the office. 

Jamie, who she was almost sure had returned the light flirting. 

Jamie, who was now looking at her with the smallest, barely there smile. As if she knew and was just waiting for Dani to confirm it. To come out on her own time. Which was really only her being hopped up on frustration and anger. 

Suddenly the weight she had just lifted came crashing back down as she slumped down even farther into the booth and bit the inside of her cheek. Not saying anything may be bad. May make the situation worse.

“I- I,” she sputtered before biting her lip and looking down at the table. The least she could do in that moment was straighten her back and attempt at regaining her composure without slipping into her work character. 

No, Danielle stays away. The truth was already out, and Dani could always fire Jamie for being homophobic, though she was almost sure she wasn’t. Her gaydar, if such thing existed, wasn’t the best, but if Jamie wasn’t interested in women then Dani would definitely be slightly embarrassed for assuming anything. 

She felt the panic slowly start to set in and her breathing slightly falter when she realized Jamie hadn’t said anything yet. She bit the inside of her cheek again and clenched the fists that sat atop the table. She focused on the heavy downpour and steady rhythm of the rain outside crashing onto the roof of the restaurant. 

A warm feeling worked its way through her, her left hand unclenching slowly. Safe, protected, under the light warmth the paler hand that rested on top provided. Her shoulders, still tense but no longer stiff, relaxed. If she could stay in that moment forever, when Jamie’s calloused hand was light and reassuring against her own tense and prim ones, she would have without a doubt. 

Dani chanced a glance down at their hands, even though she was afraid that if she looked for too long it would be gone. 

“It’s okay. I know the feeling,” Jamie leaned back, hesitantly, but still enough to gently bring her hand away. Dani found herself missing the contact almost immediately. 

“But, aye,” Jamie continued, “welcome to the club.” 

And then Jamie winked. 

And Dani’s mind was suddenly blank, suddenly at a loss. A loss she welcomed. 

“Wait, does that mean… are you?” Dani stammered. 

Her mind was reeling. 

“You didn’t know? I thought it was pretty obvious,” Jamie laughed and Dani thought it was one of the best sounds she’d ever heard. 

Jamie’s gaze had shifted from Dani though, now to someone coming up behind them, but she was too enraptured to pay the other person any attention. The way Jamie’s eyes lit up, her smile wide and crooked. 

She was beautiful. 

Owen. It had been Owen that came up to the booth, with their check in hand. Which, of course, Dani had only realized after Jamie had swiped it right out of the man’s hands and into her own. She was about to protest, hoping her voice wouldn’t betray her, before Owen stepped in. 

“Ah, ah, ah, Miss Taylor,” Owen tutted, “that’s not yours for the taking. I was actually informed to give it to her,” Owen nodded at Dani, “an hour ago.” 

He took the receipt from Jamie’s hands, not harshly though, like an older brother taking away a sharp object from his younger sister. He swiftly handed it back to Dani as she plastered a victorious grin across her face. Satisfied, Owen left them to it. 

Jamie only looked at her in bewilderment and shock, “How did you…?” 

Dani smirked, “I told the hostess that I wanted the check when I came in. It’s hospitality, Jamie.” 

“I suppose so,” Jamie rolled her eyes and glanced out the window. Dani followed her gaze and finally acknowledged how hard it was actually raining. 

“I never… would’ve expected you to like women.” It seemed Dani’s mouth moved before her mind had time to catch up for the second time that night. She met Jamie’s gaze, though, and stared into her blue-green eyes. 

“Oh,” Jamie raised her eyebrows, “I don’t like women, Dani,” and she paused for what seemed like hours. 

Uncertainty began to fill the publishing mogul, and she slumped her shoulders slightly. 

“I love them.” Jamie grinned. 

Relief washed over Dani, then her cheeks tinted pink as she realized this was probably Jamie’s way of flirting. 

“And, please,” the brunette continued, “look at me right now and tell me you could picture me with a man.” 

“Alright, you’ve got me there,” she chuckled nervously and held her hands up in surrender. “It’s kind of comforting to hear, I guess. It feels like Eddie still resents me for telling him.” 

Jamie met her eyes with a serious expression, and Dani found herself swimming in them, “You don’t owe anyone anythin’ when it comes to figuring yourself out.” 

Dani looked back at her, hoping that her softened eyes and widened smile conveyed her thankfulness for the reassuring words. She hadn’t even noticed Owen yet again, coming back with her card, her until he set it down on the tabe. She nodded her thanks to him before he turned and left. 

Lightning struck outside, which caused Dani to draw her attention to the front windows of the pub. She noticed that Jamie’s head had turned in the same direction out of the corner of her eye, and smiled to herself. Her heart thumped heavily and quickly as a clap of thunder reigned down and slightly shook the restaurant. She’d jumped a bit, her arm flailing to grasp the corner of the table. The rain pounded against the roof, and suddenly Dani regretted walking. 

She looked at the TV quickly, positioned over the bartop, as the emergency message interrupted the sports segment of the news. The distress alarm rang loudly for a few moments, until the announcer reported that the streets in their area of London would be shut down due to the storm until 6 AM the day after. 

“Are you serious?” Dani sighed and pushed the hair that had fallen into her face back. 

“Well, it makes sense. The streets are completely flooded, it’s damn near a hurricane,” Jamie observed. 

Dani groaned in self-frustration, “I guess I better get going, before the storm gets worse,” she sighed once more. 

“How are you getting home?” Jamie questioned and quirked her eyebrow. 

“I mean, I have an umbrella,” Dani gestured in the direction of where Jamie had put it and slid out of the booth, “walking should only take, like, half an hour.” 

“Are you crazy? You’re not going out in that,” Jamie said and grabbed her forearm, gently but firmly. 

Dani gasped lightly before she turned to meet Jamie. 

“If you want, you can stay here,” the brunette offered. “I do owe you. For dinner.” 

“Stay here? In the restaurant? Thank you, so much, for the offer but-” 

“Of course not, Poppins,” Jamie laughed as she stood. “My flat’s right above this pub.” 

The nickname made Dani pause. Made her heart stop and her cheeks flush. She suddenly hadn’t minded how close Jamie stood to her, or how her hand still rested on her forearm. Dani could feel how red she was, and she would be embarrassed if she hadn’t found the nickname absolutely adorable considering whose company she was in. 

“Poppins?” She raised her eyebrow in question as she tried to tell herself that the nickname only slipped out. 

“I, uh,” Jamie hesitated, “saw you come in with the two kids on Sunday. Gonna assume they were Miles and Flora, now. But, plus the umbrella,” she nodded towards it, “seemed fitting.” 

“Right,” Dani smiled, her nerves finding their way back again, as though they had ever really left. “Are you sure, though? I don’t want to intrude.” 

“Oh, you wouldn’t be. Trust me, the plants are dying to hear a voice other than mine,” Jamie laughed, and her eyes lit up. Dani couldn’t tell if it was because of the laugh or because she had mentioned plants, but she was determined to figure it out. 

Jamie led her to the back door of the bar, which led to another door to the right and stairs to the left. Jamie started up the stairs and the silence wasn’t uncomfortable, no she enjoyed it actually, but Dani couldn’t stop herself speaking. 

“Plants?” She questioned. 

“Oh, please tell me they have plants in America,” Jamie groaned playfully before turning to her when she reached the top of the steps, “You know, green things? You water them, give ‘em sunlight. They grow?” 

“I know what plants are,” Dani rolled her eyes, but her grin was wide, “I just didn’t peg you as someone that would have a green thumb.” She scoffed. 

“I surprise a lot of people,” Jamie replied, her smile smug as she unlocked and opened the door. 

Dani watched the way her arms moved, as silly as it was. She could tell Jamie had a lot of muscle, as she flexed a little when she went to turn the key, and she wondered where she’d gotten it from. The thought of Jamie working out in her spare time caused her to bite her lip and fold her hands neatly in front of her, as if she were trying to cover up the not-so-professional thoughts. As if Jamie could read her mind. 

The sound of a heavy string of curses drew her back to reality and she furrowed her eyebrows toward Jamie. 

“What’s the matter?” 

“I, uh… I don’t have a couch,” she said, as she gestured for Dani to come further into the apartment —flat— and set her keys down on the small kitchen bar before shutting the door behind them. 

“Why are you freaking out over a couch?” She let out a laugh, if only to hide her own nervousness. She knew what was coming. 

Dani watched as Jamie fiddled with her left-hand thumb and forefinger, not harshly though, just enough to give herself a sense of reassurance. It was something she observed Jamie doing very now and again throughout the night, as the rain poured and the thunder boomed. Acting as if she were fine because she hadn’t jumped, had probably expected it, but still freaked out internally none the same. 

“It means I don’t have anything other than a bed,” Jamie sighed. “I can sleep on the floor, you take the bed, if you’d like. I didn’t think about it til’ now.” She bit at her lip, and Dani found it amazing how the seemingly confident Jamie was changed in a matter of minutes because she was afraid Dani would rather go out in a blazing storm than have at least a roof over her head. 

Dani smiled comfortingly, snorting a small laugh, “Don’t kid yourself,” she took the umbrella from where Jamie had leaned it against her leg and set it by the wall near the door, “I trust you. We can share. Can’t have my employee get a bad night’s sleep.” She winked as she looked back up at the woman. 

Jamie nodded, still looking a bit nervous, but that satisfied Dani enough. 

She stood a few feet away from Jamie as she took her time to look around the apartment. There weren’t any pictures of family, the walls instead being filled with the occasional hangable knick knacks she assumed Jamie had gotten when she travelled. Two small paintings sat across from each other, one of them a beautiful vine with white flowers covering a metal gate. The other looked like a field, snow scattered through the air and littered together on the ground, a single sprout having grown through the blanket of white. 

Dani drew her gaze away from the painting and slowly wandered toward the plants. She realized the overwhelmingly beautiful scent she had been hit with when she entered the apartment had been the plants that sat together on the windowsill and the table in front of it. Of course Jamie smelled like flowers. Of course, Jamie also smelled like citrus and pine. 

“S’probably nothing you’re used to.” 

Dani looked back at Jamie and rolled her eyes a little. Because she was completely in love with her apartment. Because she wanted to learn more about her. Because she felt like she was being allowed to really see Jamie despite only knowing her for a short time. 

“Oh, trust me. I’d rather be here than my own.” 

If she let out the smallest of sighs and dipped her head back to look at a small succulent in a slight embarrassment, she hoped Jamie hadn’t noticed. 

“So,” Jamie spoke up again and Dani prayed she wouldn’t mention the comment, “the night’s still young. What do ya wanna do?” Jamie hoisted herself up onto the kitchen counter as Dani reached for the strap of her purse and walked over to set it by the umbrella. 

“Well,” Dani turned back around and went to lean on the wall by where Jamie sat, “I did enjoy talking to you downstairs.” 

“Then let’s talk,” Jamie grinned. 

And they did. Dani found herself launching into stories about Miles and Flora, the Mary Poppins umbrella, declining to edit and publish J.K. Rowling’s latest Harry Potter money-grab. 

“Wait a minute,” Jamie couldn’t stop laughing, “you denied J.K. Rowling? Tell me how that went down.” 

“She marched into my office, quite literally, and practically demanded that I do it! She went on about how much money it would make me and that I’d regret not doing it once the play hit the West End,” Dani rolled her eyes and gestured with her hand dismissively. “It took everything in me not to yell at her, I swear. I stood up from my chair and I said “Joanne, I am not going to allow a ‘TERF’ anywhere near my company. Especially if they’re as fucking opinionated and loud about it as you are.” She was seething!” Dani chuckled, reaching deep into her extensive wealth of Harry Potter knowledge. 

“The blatant antisemitism, and racism too, I’ve got at least three unpublished essays about them. Not to mention how terribly she represented the fantasy genre. Did you know she was the one to gender witches and wizards? In classic fantasy and lore, they’re two completely different things! I love the books, but God, I despise that woman.” Dani laughed as she recounted the memory. An honest to God laugh. One that turned into a lengthy yawn. 

“I was nervous though, not gonna lie,” she started after finishing her yawn, only pausing for a small moment to smile slightly when Jamie yawned as well. “One of my favorite childhood authors asking me to publish their book and I have to turn them down because they’re not a good person? Ten year old me would cry.” 

“Ten year old Dani sounds like a tough shell to crack, then,” Jamie teased. 

“Oh,” Dani laughed again, “I wish I had been. But no, tween and teen Dani conformed to what society marked her as. Bubbly blonde girl, straight A’s, homecoming and prom queen. Practically Little Miss Perf-” she was cut off by another huge yawn and covered her mouth hurriedly. 

“Tired, Poppins?” 

“I suppose so,” she smiled lazily. 

Jamie hopped up from where they had moved to the floor, so they could both sit or lay down or whatever, and held out her hand to help Dani up. 

Dani took it, and held back a gasp at how cold Jamie’s hands were compared to her hands, which were practically as warm as if she’d dawned mittens through their conversation. 

Jamie led her into the hallway, not letting go of her hand until they made it to the brunette’s room. The walls were bare save for one autographed picture of Blondie, the rock band. Dani hadn’t heard much of their music but she knew they were good from the few songs she had. 

“I’ll go get changed in the bathroom, you can change in here,” Jamie said as she pulled out a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt that would no doubt be oversized on Dani as it were on her. 

“Thank you,” Dani muttered as Jamie handed them to her and then left for the bathroom. 

When Jamie came back into the room, Dani offered a, “Be right back,” and went back into the living room to dig through her purse for the Altoids she normally kept. She just wanted to make sure her breath wasn’t too bad, especially if she were sharing the bed space with Jamie. She popped in two Altoids and then made her way to the bathroom. 

A minute later, she made her way back to the room and pulled back the covers to slide in with Jamie. It was odd, to say the least. She hadn’t slept in a bed with someone since Eddie, and even then it didn’t feel like it did with Jamie. She felt safe with the other woman. Like this was normal for them to do. Part of their routine. It amazed her, how she had only known her a short time and yet trusted her completely. 

Jamie reached over and turned her tableside lamp off, which left them in pitch blackness. Dani only turned over, facing toward Jamie because it was still raining outside, and the thunder and lightning were not her friends in the slightest. It was just nice knowing she had someone there. 

“Goodnight, Jamie,” she found herself muttering as her eyes drooped. 

“Night, Poppins.” Jamie whispered back, and Dani was thankful for the darkness, because she would be all too embarrassed if Jamie had seen her fall asleep with a soft smile on her face. 

It was a few hours later, Dani in the middle of an oddly pleasant dream (she may or may not have been riding a pegasus), suddenly had a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach. She wasn’t fully awake enough to understand it, or her surroundings. Her mind registered a strange clicking sound that only happened once, as the pegasus’s hooves hit the cobblestone beneath them in her dream. Coaxing herself out of the sleepy state she was in proved to be difficult as the lines between reality and dream blurred. Though, moments later, when she went to readjust herself, her hand found its way to the other side of the bed. 

Her right hand was met with cool sheets and an empty space. There was supposed to be a person there.

A person. 

_ Jamie _ . 

Where’d Jamie go?

She sat up almost instantly, still groggy and dazed but mostly worried. It was probably irrational of her to think something had happened. The woman had probably just gotten up to use the restroom and would be back in a minute, although she didn’t hear any movement in that direction. Instead, through the small crack she assumed Jamie left in the door, she could see a dull light filtering in coming from the direction of the living room. 

Dani wiped at the sleep in her eyes before she pushed herself out of the bed and padded gently across the floor and through the door. She stayed in the hallway’s entrance and leaned herself against the frame as her eyes searched for Jamie. 

They found her sitting at the small kitchen table with a glass of water in her hands. Dani furrowed her eyebrows at the sight, not liking how Jamie looked distressed. 

“Jamie?” She asked, her voice barely above a whisper. 

Jamie looked surprised to see her, her head snapping up and meeting Dani’s eyes. 

“... Yeah?” She pursed her lips for a moment as if trying to decide what to say next. “What’s up?” 

“Are you alright?” 

And Dani saw a wave of relief wash over Jamie. Her shoulders slumped a little and the breath she’d been holding in dissipated slowly. 

“Oh… yeah,” Jamie looked back down at her glass of water, “just a little trouble sleeping, is all.” 

Dani wracked her brain, trying to think of reasons why Jamie would have trouble sleeping. Eddie did say she kicked in her sleep every once in a while, especially when they were kids and their moms still trusted them in the same bed together, but Dani had gotten better at that with time, save for the one time she purposely kicked him when he wouldn’t scoot over. 

“I didn’t kick you or anything, did I? I usually don’t, I just-”

“No, Poppins. You’re all good. I wasn’t as tuckered out as I thought I was, that’s all.” 

Jamie stood up after downing her water and walked over to Dani. Dani felt her cheeks redden when she felt Jamie’s hand on her back. The blonde wasn’t quite sure if she believed the woman before her, but she didn’t want to pry. 

“Let’s get you back to bed. A big day for you tomorrow,” and Jamie winked at her. And Dani’s heart may have gotten caught in her throat. 

She could only nod, not trusting her voice. 

Jamie climbed into the bed after her, and Dani decided to put a hand against her back, just to let the woman know she was there. In case troubled sleep found her again. 

Tomorrow, when they woke, she would blame it on being a heavy sleeper. 

Although she hadn’t missed the way Jamie’s breath hitched before both of them fell into a deep slumber. 

——

  
  


Three weeks later, nearly a month of knowing Jamie, they sat across from one another in the same booth they had met several times. Just chatting, checking in with one another. Their conversations normally resided on the edge of friendly and flirtatious, or light and happy and deep and harrowing. They told each other stories about all different sorts of things. Told each other where they’d take vacation or countries they wanted to visit. 

Jamie, as it turned out, had been to several of the countries on Dani’s list. 

“Sri Lanka is beautiful, honestly.” Jamie said, reaching for her root beer.

It was only midday on a Saturday, so they both had opted for non-alcoholic drinks until later in the evening if they found their way back to the restaurant. Jamie wouldn’t give her an inkling as to where they were going after they ate, and although she normally didn’t like surprises, she was itching to finish her meal as soon as it arrived. 

Normally Dani would be working on a Saturday. Normally she would be holed up in the office by herself, letting her mind wander into whatever piece she was editing. She lost herself within her work, and she knew it wasn’t healthy. 

That’s why she let Jamie convince her to relax. For just this one Saturday. 

Because Jamie claimed to have known the endless cycle of throwing yourself into something and never getting out of it. 

Because Jamie’s eyes were soft and reassuring while her voice stayed steady. 

She was allowing Jamie to be her anchor, if anything. 

It was a dangerous game they were playing, but Dani knew they both enjoyed it. 

“I’ve seen pictures of it. Eddie and I were supposed to go there on vacation some time during… July, I think? Pretty sure he’s just going by himself, now.” Dani couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of Eddie alone in a foreign country. 

“Well, that’ll be interesting to hear about,” Jamie chuckled. 

“He’s a grown man, I’m sure he can handle himself,” Dani waved it off and reached for her Diet Coke. 

“You’ve seen how he practically follows you around in the office, right? Never too close, though. He’s like your shadow or something.” 

“It’s been that way since we were kids. I’ve learned to ignore it, honestly.” 

“I dunno. Just, be careful, yeah? Would hate for him to try his hand at some big gesture to try and get you back.” Jamie bit at her lip before her grin got wider. She looked around the restaurant, and threw her hands over her heart when she found no one else there beside Owen in the back. 

“Oh, Danielle! Please! Take me back, I love you!” She threw a hand over her forehead and leaned her head back as she did her very dramatic Eddie impression. 

Dani bit at her lip as she tried to hold in her laughter, but Jamie continued and she found herself crying with loud laughs wracking her body. 

“That was…” Dani gasped for air as she wiped her tears, “that was pretty accurate.” 

“Eighth grade drama, thank you very much,” Jamie bowed mockingly. 

Their food arrived shortly after that, Owen teasing them about scaring away customers as he brought it out. 

“Mate, I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think it’s us scaring the customers off. That moustache of yours is going a pretty good job of that on its own.” Jamie reached up and patted his shoulder. 

Owen feigned offense, “I will have you know, Jamie darling, that this moustache took months to grow. It ought to be my signature, at this point.” 

Dani sat back and watched them banter with a smile on her face. It didn’t get old, watching the way they were so easy-going with each other. Dani noticed how Jamie never really talked to the other people at work, maybe Rebecca occasionally. Eddie, only if he came up to her first. It was strange that she accepted drinks with Dani rather than her other co-workers. She’d go on to say that Jamie may have preferred her company over the others’. 

No, she shouldn’t think anything that bold. 

Dani did, however, find comfort in knowing that Jamie did have friends. She wasn’t alone like Dani was when they weren’t with each other. 

“Dani,” Owen piped up after they finished their banter, “please tell our dear Jamie that even though my moustache looks like the bristles of a broom, her hair could be comparable to a bird’s nest.” 

“Owen! I can’t say that!” Dani rolled her eyes and sipped her Diet Coke again. 

“And why not, Poppins?” Jamie raised her eyebrow, a challenge. 

“Yeah! Why not, Poppins?” Owen mocked and wiggled his eyebrows playfully. 

She looked across the table to Jamie and then up at Owen, “She’d put me out of a place to sleep on rainy nights!” She flailed her arm in Jamie’s direction.

“Nonsense!” Owen scoffed and then grinned as he looked down at her, “You can cozy up on the bar.” He winked and Dani rolled her eyes again as he turned to leave. 

“Maybe if I want back problems,” she mumbled. 

Jamie snickered a laugh before starting on their shared boneless wings. Dani started as well, practically groaning with delight when she tasted the first one. 

“You alright there, Poppins?” the brunette teased. 

“Fantastic,” Dani nodded after swallowing. “Sorry, I was just really hungry.” She looked down at the table with tinted cheeks. 

“No worries, I am too,” Jamie waved her off. They had gotten used to each other over the past weeks. Jamie was probably becoming one of her best friends, the person she went to everything for. Except work, of course. 

“Yeah, didn’t eat breakfast and then decided to get a little bit of work done before I came.” 

Dani reached out for a wing with her fork, looking up at Jamie as their utensils clinked together. Jamie’s eyes narrowed slightly and her smile turned lopsided and mischievous. 

“Poppins. What did I say about working today?” 

“I know, I know! But my laptop was right there in front of me and I thought I could get through the twenty pages I had left. I only got through five,” Dani went to run a hand through her hair before she remembered it was in a french braid. 

“Right then, well,” Jamie’s eyes flicked down to their forks, which still stood in the same wing, “best we hurry and finish so I can make sure you’re relaxin’. Or, at least, having a good time.”

Dani smiled at her. Fully smiled, bigger than she had in months. The brunette relented first, allowing Dani to take the wing. In a way that not even Dani knew yet, Jamie giving the chicken wing away was a metaphor. 

Minutes later they were finished and Jamie was paying, not without a fight though. They had been alternating who paid, as it was only fair, but Dani still tried every time it was Jamie’s turn. 

“You ready, Poppins?” 

“Ready as I’ll ever be. Show me the way,” she grinned and grabbed her purse. 

They left the restaurant and headed toward a less crowded area of London, a space that wasn’t far from the restaurant yet was far away from the bustling city rush. 

Their hands bumped together occasionally as they walked along the sidewalk. Dani could feel the heat rising in her cheeks upon the third time it happened, forced to move closer to Jamie when a person walking wouldn’t move as they saw them coming. 

“Poppins, if you want to hold my hand, all you have to do is ask,” Jamie teased with a smirk. 

Dani just laughed it off, used to the subtle flirtatious comments, although they still made her blush with each passing moment. 

Ten more minutes of walking, ten more minutes of awkwardly bumping hands with the gorgeous brunette that had somehow become her best friend, and they reached their destination. 

Nearly. 

“It’s not this. Close, but not yet,” Jamie took her hand and led her down the gravel trail. Of course, Dani had been too focused on the easy contact rather than where they were headed and minutes later she was looking up from their joined hands and into a clearing with big trees surrounding it. 

The trees didn’t cover the sky, no, they encircled it. Almost as if they were trying to show it off. Show how special the spot was. 

“Wow,” Dani muttered. 

Jamie, whose hand was still in hers, led them over to a huge rock that stood just on the clearing’s edge. She gestured for her to sit, and Dani climbed up onto it before turning and sitting. She placed her purse next to her while Jamie did the same. 

“It’s beautiful,” she stared out into the clearing. The few flowers that filled it swayed back and forth with the small gust of wind. 

“Aye,” Jamie agreed, “call it my thinking place. Come here to decompress. Be with nature. It’s odd, I suppose, but being surrounded by a life force other than humans is refreshing. Plants, they teach you a lot. Not just about themselves but about the world around you, too.” 

“What have you learned so far?” Dani drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She looked over at Jamie, a genuine curiosity in her eyes. 

“We leave more life behind us to take our place. Simple as that. We live, we die. It’s a cycle. But we all leave something behind. Whether it’s a legacy, new life, whatever. It’s there for the next generations, and so on and so forth. Like plants, we leave seeds that’ll grow into something more. No one’s ever really gone from this Earth. There’s always a piece of them left, somewhere.” 

The blonde bit at her lip, her vision having become blurred with tears as she rested her chin on her kneecaps. 

“What about the ones,” she felt the falter in her voice, the crack in whatever was left of the wall she had slowly been letting down around Jamie, “that don’t ever get to truly live?” 

Jamie eyed her curiously, bringing up a gentle hand to lightly rub her back. She relaxed a little, but still pulled her knees in closer. The way that Jamie could read her without even trying to was a mystery. 

“I, um,” Dani exhaled shakily, “I was pregnant. With Eddie’s baby. Three months. No one at work knew about it, we–  _ I _ – decided I wanted to keep it a secret until it was impossible to. God, I hated being with Eddie. I wasn’t happy. But then I found out I was pregnant, and I’ve always loved kids, and I thought “Maybe I can do this” y’know? Maybe I could be the perfect fianceé, the perfect wife eventually. As long as we had this kid that I could put my time and my energy and my  _ love _ into. As long as I knew that I could be a good mom then I could deal with it.” 

She leaned into Jamie’s touch and closed her eyes for only a moment. 

“Three months in, he was coddling me. Telling me I shouldn’t be working, that he’ll provide for us. Funniest damn thing I had ever heard, since I paid for the place we were staying in,” Dani shook her head. “We fought. That night. A shouting match, basically. I was so tired, Jamie,” Dani looked at the woman next to her with sad eyes. 

“And I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I told him. Just outright told him that I’m gay. Of course, he didn’t take that well at all. But I told him that he’s still the baby’s father. That I wouldn’t dream of taking that way, no matter what. He was still my best friend, that wouldn’t change.” 

She bit at her lip and turned her attention back to the clearing. 

“He told me to go to sleep. That we would talk about it more in the morning. I took the guest bedroom and he stayed in our room. Never really was ours, now that I think about it. But, um, later that night. I couldn’t sleep, I was just so uncomfortable. So, I just laid there for however long.” 

She choked back a sob while shaking her head. 

“And I…” 

“Breathe, Dani,” Jamie’s voice was firm, but it was the lightest she had ever heard it. 

Dani nodded and shut her eyes again while she wiped her tears. 

“I didn’t feel it at first. I didn’t.. I didn’t have like this moment where I realized. I think I just knew. And then there was this sharp pain. Before I could stop myself I reached down and… and there was blood. I think I was on autopilot from that point on because I woke Eddie up and he drove us to the hospital. I just remember that I couldn’t stop shaking or zoning out. Just hoping it wasn’t real. We got to the hospital and they told me that I’d had a miscarriage.” 

She glanced over at the brunette. 

“Eddie was so angry. I had to get the surgery, you know? And uh, he just, I guess he couldn’t be in there. He left the room and I just broke down. We had so many fights, after that.” 

_ “People don’t just miscarry out of nowhere, Danielle!”  _

_ “It wasn’t out of nowhere, Eddie! I had fucking cervical problems!”  _

That night she had finally decided to move out. Went and stayed in the Manor for a few days until she could situate a place for herself. She didn’t know what she would have done had she not have had Miles and Flora with her. Their childish innocence had made her forget until they all went up to bed. 

“I guess he’s still angry with me. Mourning, maybe. It wasn’t all that long ago. I guess he thinks I’ve forgotten about it. Forgets that everything I do in public is a façade and that I’m really just breaking down on the inside.” 

She laughed bitterly and looked down at her knees. 

“None of that was your fault, Dani. And I know you know that, but sometimes it’s better to hear it from someone else.” Jamie’s hand never faltered, still rubbing at her back in a soothing motion. 

Dani nodded and unfolded herself. They were close together now, closer than they had been before she launched into the retelling. Close enough that if she were to lean over she would be able to put her head on Jamie’s shoulder. So, she did just that and focused on everything Jamie. The smell of pine and citrus, an awkward combination but one that was so  _ Jamie.  _ The feeling of the hand on her back stopped as arm wrapped itself around her shoulders, searching for a way to comfort her. It pulled her close, and she felt Jamie’s forehead on the top of her head. 

“Just breathe, Poppins. Just breathe.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just short of 10K words, how about that? Please feel free to leave your thoughts, questions, comments, concerns, etc. in the comments, we’d love to hear them. 
> 
> You can find me on Twitter @/loveqvinns and on tumblr @/blyshill. 
> 
> Hope you like this chapter as much as the last one!


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